My frame was not hidden from You, when I was being formed in secret, and intricately and skillfully formed [as if embroidered with many colors] in the depths of the earth.

Psalm 139:15 AMP

He was wearing a green buttoned up shirt with a festive green bead necklace on, a head full of hair (haha) that my husband jokingly added, and said “I didn’t park my car here did I?” This was the conversation at my son’s friend’s birthday party as I described what my husband was wearing on our official dating anniversary to one of our mutual friends of the birthday boy celebrating. Our friend’s response, “she remembers all the details.”

Somehow not long after, our conversation transitioned to the issue of life. The debate about abortion, statistics, and the usual arguments. An issue I’m deeply passionate about is not for just another cause to take on as my service to the world to convince others (or even myself) I’m being a good person but instead out of a deep place of burden of my Father’s heart for the unborn and the great loss that comes with it.

I ponder this conservation again wondering how we have somehow blinded ourselves to seeing this great loss of life. I recall the scriptures, intricately woven. I meditate on my own design features and embrace my unique beauty in the image of God. It is in this place you become alive to God’s love for you and his very heart for each and every person born and unborn that he loves and cherishes.

One commentary translates Psalm 139:16: when my substance, my form was not yet developed, when yet an embryo and when nothing could be determined from that by the eye of man as to what I was to be, all the future was known to God and was written down – just what should be my form and vigor, how long I should live, what I should be, what would be the events of my life.

All the children sitting at the birthday party would not be present smiling, laughing, eating pizza and cake and experiencing the joys of the fun they had that day if we decided as their parents they were simply a zygote and therefore justified through this lie if they should live or die. Of all places, a birthday party where we as parents go out of our way to celebrate our children’s birth yet deny so many that privilege. I remember walking to the bathroom and seeing room after room of reserved birthday parties. How the children were being celebrated simply because they were born!

You see this issue of life is at the heart of not knowing God intimately as Father. When you ponder the miracle of life in all its developmental phases right down to the sperm meeting the egg you realize just how special you are and just how much He’s in the details. In the same way I described the details of my husband’s look and dress in reflecting on times past with him, God is looking upon you and marveling at his creation past, present, and future while too grieving the loss of the so many who never came to be.

Ashley Shuell, Journalist for Jesus ✍️