I arrived for my weekly check up excited to see my baby girl and her gestational progress. How much had she grown? Would she delight me in showing her precious face this time? Nope, I’m waiting for my official debut as she was positioned face down. On the way to drop off my boys to school that early morning, our family played a guessing game of how much baby sister now weighs. We all threw out our ideas of her possible weight and looked forward to finding out. A few hours later the time had arrived for my 36 week appointment check in. I don’t think you ever not have some level of underlying wonder that all is well, especially after a miscarriage. I’ve mostly arrived to the point in this pregnancy of not being worried but instead grateful and anticipating good. This has taken focused prayer and continued trust in the Lord to keep me throughout these past eight months. It is honestly the primary reason I have shielded my pregnancy announcement to many. Loss leaves an imprint but not permanent.

As I proceed to sit down in the waiting room, I anticipate a usual 10 to maybe 15 minute wait time. Yet I soon realized as the minutes began to tick by into 20, 30, even 45 minutes this was going to be longer than usual. It was probably in about the half hour wait time I noticed a young woman come in who appeared concerned. I gave some attention to her but as my feet began to swell from the position sitting, (I mean after all I had these cute summer sandals on that had clearly reached their limit in accommodating my ever expanding feet), I proceeded to remove them from my puffy purple and pink feet and find a nearby leather couch to prop up and encourage better circulation. At this point I had come to terms this may be an extended time of waiting so I was prepared to get more comfortable. As I was writing in my online journal, my eyes and ears were mindful of what I was sensing. I couldn’t keep my focus off this young woman who continued to look a bit distressed and uncomfortable. I could feel the tangible concern and irritation of her partner with her. Of course I was trying to avoid coming across as nosey yet I felt a nudge to engage, but how? As she and her partner proceeded out of the doctors office into the hallway, I could see through the small glass window, her partner’s mannerism expressive of what appeared to be frustration. I then overheard the nurse call for this woman to remain in the waiting room so when the doctor could see her she would be easily available.

Shortly thereafter the door opened and she returned without her partner, sitting somewhat fidgety and beginning to look at her phone. I couldn’t resist. “Hi, are you in any pain?” “No, just really nauseous. I have been vomiting for 3 days” she replied. There was no observable indication she was pregnant but I did notice her very gentle cupping of her belly. “Can I pray for you?” She welcomed the prayer and moved a chair over close to me. I asked her name. She shared Sarah like in the Bible as her accent was different and harder to understand. She also shared she was indeed pregnant, 7 weeks in fact. I began to encourage her with the normal nausea that comes along with pregnancy early on. She assured me that this was her second child and in her prior pregnancy she battled nausea and sickness so this was expected and can be unbearable as it was this day. I asked if I could touch her while I prayed. She nodded. I gently laid my hand upon her shoulder and began to command all nausea to leave. I don’t fully recall what came first but through our time she shared how she had miscarried at 3 months just in the last year. At that moment I understood the waiting room. I too had miscarried the year prior at just 7 weeks. God had prepared and positioned me this day to speak into the very same pain and grief. I began to come against the spirit of fear and worry rattling her mind and body. Tears began to stream down her face and the subtle crying began as she was releasing what I’m sure she had been holding onto so tightly. I remember this same fear I endured especially in the beginnings of my current pregnancy yet I was now nearing the full term completion of my soon daughters arrival and I had a hope and assurance to give her through my prayers and current testimony. As I prayed, my heart was recalling her current battle of every symptom or sensation or concern that can throw you into a spiral of what ifs. I continued, asking if I could place my hand upon her belly. As I placed my hand upon her womb I began to speak forth life, prophesying her healing and declaring she would carry to full term. Her tenderness, her tears, her pain continued to flow deeply out. You could hear the sound of her heart. As I prayed I drew from the pain yet the comfort of sharing my own loss the year prior and how God faithfully healed my womb and restored me with new life, assuring her God would do the same for her. I continued to encourage and edify in prayer, filling her with the very renewed hope God had given me. “Just like Sarah conceived in her old age, no circumstance, no past trauma will undo His promise,” I declared. I sensed she would be having a boy, she nodded and smiled at me agreeing she thought the same. I continued to pray for her mind, emotions and body to be released from all the past trauma of loss. Suddenly the wait was over and my name was called. The waiting room time had been fulfilled. I blessed her as I proceeded to head back, looking back at her as I followed the nurse for check in. As I walked away, I shared I had more and wanted to keep in touch. She smiled and nodded. The door shut behind me but my heart was very much still open to Sarah’s story.

As the ultrasound screen lit up and I saw my beautiful baby girl moving and her heart beating I was overjoyed. (She was a healthy 5lb 9oz baby girl which meant my oldest son was the closest in guessing her weight. His gift is numbers! He asks me how many weeks I am often, usually calculating to perfection the remaining days. The joy of sharing the excitement and anticipation of her soon arrival as a family is a mothers delight!). Still, I couldn’t help but hope I would run into Sarah again. Once I got settled into the examination room I looked for something in my purse to write on to give her my information to stay in touch. I found one of my blogging cards, thinking to myself how our meeting had become one of those I love to tell the stories to encourage women now written about her. I eagerly walked swiftly back to the waiting room area, looking through the small glass area of the door but she was gone. I walked back to my examination room reflecting upon this time as I waited for the doctor. I recalled the very poster hanging on the backside of the examination room door I was sitting in. A poster of a full grown baby that I once looked at sobbing uncontrollably as I had miscarried but today redemption, a full term baby girl growing in my belly and one I believed would soon be fulfilled for Sarah and the many women I am contending for who desire to have their wombs carry life. It was a full circle moment and one forever etched in my heart.

As I checked out I looked for Sarah one more time, leaving my information with the staff. If I am never given the opportunity to run into her or maybe even hear from her, I was encouraged and sweetly satisfied in knowing the wait I endured to see my baby girl was His wait to be able to minister to Sarah. All the pain and the loss endured had become beauty from the ashes. Beauty I could now share with Sarah, with the world! I wonder how many of us are so turned inside, aggravated by the wait, distracted even that we miss the purpose in our own waiting season? May we prosper in His waiting….. room.

Love, Ashley Shuell, Journalist for Jesus ✍️