Mommy, I’m sorry for getting so upset and screaming. This was my son apologizing to me after hours of his frustration about how much and how long it was going to take him to complete his homework. My heart was touched by his sincere care for the way he acted out yet I too was overwhelmed with how hard he was on himself. I observed how much he battled with self doubt and struggled to be gentle with himself. I saw.. me. When I feel inadequate to complete something and especially if not “perfect” I am extremely hard on myself too. It is very likely you too can relate. Yet it is not until we observe outside of ourselves and see how damaging and unfair we are. Why is it we can extend so much grace to others but hold ourselves to such impossible standards?
It was at this moment I spoke gently to my son praising him for his maturity yet reminding him to not be so hard on himself. We proceeded upstairs to prepare for bed. I was still deeply grieved of how much he struggled and then it was like the spirit of God flooded me. I remembered my LIFE band I was wearing. Brayden, did you know mommy has a hard time sometimes with my words and how I talk to myself? I could see in my son’s eyes he felt affirmed. I continued. God has been helping me to speak life over myself and pray for life. This band I wear reminds me everyday to think, pray, and speak life. Would you like one too? With big eyes of wonder and delight, yes mom. As I proceeded downstairs to get his band I was grateful for this opportunity to give Brayden what God gave to me. The gift of life both inscribed on the band but also the gift of speaking life for myself now extended to my son. I laid beside him and helped to slide his bracelet on. Now we both have reminders to speak life. We put our arms against each other and smiled. It was as if we both could lay down in peace after that moment. I tangibly could feel the oneness and connection that was made. Life in me and now life in my son. As I prepared to read our scriptures of speaking life while my son typically drifts to sleep, Brayden asked to instead pray our life prayers. This moment was the sweetest sound and forever engraved upon my heart.
I ponder even now in closing how grieved God must feel when he sees his children struggle and reject themselves all the while he is always speaking LIFE over us.
Ashley Shuell, Journalist for Jesus ✍️
A.R.I.S.E from ash 